You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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