Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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