I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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