just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
