I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
