I wish my penis had an off switch
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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