anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
