The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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