I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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