shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
