Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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