It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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