Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize