Umm I'm too high to move.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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