We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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