did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
