Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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