She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
