After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
