i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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