do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
