I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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