My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
