no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
