I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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