Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
