She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
