My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
