After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
