Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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