Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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