She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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