You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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