Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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