The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
