Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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