Duck Duck Cougar?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
should my penis look like a turkey
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
