Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize