the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
