oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
