Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
