i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i would punch a child for taco bell
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
