i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
