I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
