Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
