When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize