I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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