Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
