if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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