i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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