the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
