You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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