glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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