I skipped work to stalk him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
