If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
