Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
