quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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