I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
