All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
