Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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