You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
