Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
