Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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