You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
