I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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