Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
