she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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